I Need A Genie

When I was a kid I loved watching I Dream of Jeannie  because I thought it would be so COOL to be able to BLINK BLINK and the housework would be done, BLINK BLINK and the laundry, cooking, etc. would all be finished in a flash.  Even then I knew that Jeannie was a dumb broad if she thought the way to Major Nelson's heart was doing the vacuuming and cooking all by herself.  Everyone knows the  real way to a man's heart, and it is NOT by being an immaculate housekeeper, just sayin'.

Instead of enjoying my new fabrics and my Alabama Beauty  INKLINGO patterns  I have spent the last week-plus  cleaning my BUNS off.  I've thrown out, de-cluttered, smuggled bags out of the house for Goodwill (my husband still has his original diapers....) and spent today balancing on a chair cutting the trim in and around the bathroom cabinets, mirror, tub and closet.  There must be 9 miles of trim in that bathroom. Normally I love to paint, but my husband got a hold of my (yes, MY) cutting brushes and wrecked my favorite one, leaving me with a sub-standard brush to cut 9 miles of trim (French Linen Gray, BTW) in this bathroom. (Note: If anyone from Pittsburgh Paints is reading this, you guys have GOT to get your act together.  This stuff is not covering well and frankly, it's a little drippy.  I used to love you guys but I have 3 rooms that need paint and this is the last gallon of P.P. that is going up in my house for a long time.)

I guess this would all be okay if MY relatives  were coming to visit ( hell, I'd make them paint ) but it is HIS cousins.  We haven't seen these people since our wedding almost 23 years ago so I'm not sure what we will be talking about, but there you go. They are coming for a 4 day festival that I avoid like the plague.  St. Peter's Fiesta used to be a lovely novena-based celebration of faith that culminated in the blessing of the fishing fleet and some fiercely good Sicilian cooking.  It has degenerated into a 5 day drunk complete with a sleazy carnival and a baby boom 9 months from now when all the babies will be named "Peter".  It saddens me to see something that was once so beautiful become such a nightmare.  Note to Gloucester Italians:  "Fiesta" is not even a word not found in your language. Be authentic - your grandparents and great-grandparents had the right idea.

I need to get back to cleaning.  Sometimes you just need impending house guests  to light a fire underneath your slovenly self and git 'er done.  Joe will be handling the cleaning of all the floors, including the Chernobyl-like kitchen floor that is original to the 1975 house.  An uglier floor never lived.  These folks are arriving on Thursday and leaving on Monday morning.  I'm following them out the driveway and heading downtown to the flooring store where I will put a blindfold over my eyes, swing a cat and whatever it lands on is the new kitchen floor.   BLINK BLINK.  I'm on a roll.

Inklingo Good, Verizon Bad

I spent most of yesterday  beating the hell out of my Verizon modem (vintage 2006) trying to maintain an internet connection at home - to no avail.  Three phone calls and numerous gymnastics later I threw in the towel and  vowed online revenge at the store today (where I have a working internet connection).  Verizon offered me a new modem for $14.95 but  since I'm paying about $79 a month for long distance and not-working  internet I told them I wasn't interested in paying for ANYTHING else.  After yet another Verizon tech support FAIL  I called back and that same modem was now $69.95, but I "qualified" for a monthly rate reduction, getting the same services for $45.00 a month.  Seriously Verizon?  Don't you at least want to take me out to dinner first?

Back to last night - I gave up with Verizon and resumed some serious de-junking of my house.  We have house guests in 2 weeks and since we have not had anyone for about 5 years.....a lot of JUNK has accumulated in the guest room and elsewhere.  We are blessed and cursed with a large house - 4 bedrooms, 3 1/2 baths, 2 floors, full basement.  WAY.TOO. MUCH. ROOM. FOR. JUNK.   And since I am married to the man who inspired the TV show Hoarders, it piles up like crazy. I have made more trips to Goodwill than I can tell you about (and more than my husband knows about....) and I'm not done yet.  The actual cleaning is still ahead of me, oy you could vanish in some of the dust.  Wish me luck.

The UP SIDE is that I actually WON SOMETHING!  I never win anything.   I have craved and coveted this Alabama Beauty block (I poached this one from a wonderful blog called Postcards From Panama).  Aren't the colors fabulous? The first time I saw it was on the Quilt Obsession blog by Cathi.  She uses Inklingo, and I always assumed it was some kind of computer program.  Cathi just owns piecing, she makes the most beautiful things and is extremely productive in her output.  I marveled at how she did all this  so I  checked out Inklingo for myself.  You won't believe this -  it's PDF files!  No software to buy! You need an inkjet printer and some freezer paper (butcher paper, where I come from) and the pattern PFD files.   It takes a little reading to wrap your head around the concept, but once it clicks in it all makes sense.

So I send huge blog love to  Cathi  and encourage you to do yourself a favor and take a few minutes to check out  Inklingo.   Poke around and download the freebies.  I won a gift certificate from Cathi's blog so I went ahead and got the pattern for the Alabama Beauty block. ( I  have loved it so long that it was a no brainer, although there are many patterns to choose from. )  I'm not being paid or persuaded in any way to promote this,  I just found something I really loved and BONUS - it will make my quilt piecing easier and more spectacular.  So what's not to love?  Verizon,  THAT is what's not to love.  I'm an Irishman married to a Sicilian for 22 years,  I can "do" vendetta with the best of 'em.  Vendetta and Verizon - they just go together. Stay tuned.

My Britney Spears Moment

OOOPS, I did it again, this time the index finger.  I can't type - this is taking forever. Bonus - I probably no longer have fingerprints on 2 fingers, so I can go on a wild crime spree. The worst part of this?  I bought a rotary cutter cutting glove after the first injury.  Turns out they don't work if you are not wearing them.

I had to put the splint on it because the slightest tap makes it bleed profusely - and hurts like )(*&)(*^&^.  My self-guided anger management program  is not going well and I don't need any new opportunities to swear. I live in the Bermuda Triangle of psycho drivers (AKA Massachusetts) and since I spend a lot of time on the road I have to watch myself.  I started out by saying, "Peace be with you" out loud when some nimrod cut me off or climbed up my tailpipe, but I am finding it has degenerated into something like, "Oh yeah, well, peace on you!" more often than not.

I will spend my time at the store today playing around with the blog layout.  I can do that with my right hand and a mouse.

EDIT - in the spirit of full disclosure, I have a dear friend who (when studying in Rome) always signed his letters with, "Easter (or whatever holiday) Peace on You!"   When I feel I cannot spit out "Peace be with you" I always go for Jake's version!