Sweet Corn Wars

Indulge me. I am locked in my annual sweet corn battle with my husband and I need to vent.

Growing up in the Platte Valley of Nebraska learned a few things about farming, seasons, and when the hell you eat sweet corn.  My husband (a barnacled coastie from Gloucester who has an umbilical cord that won't reach over the bridge and wouldn't know a farm implement if it rolled over his foot) thinks sweet corn is pretty much available 24/7, 365.  Consequently, he started bringing home this "stuff" from the local grocery stores in May, crowing about how this is going to be a "good batch" and asks me EVERY NIGHT IF I WANT SOME CORN ON THE COB.  Every night I say NO I DO NOT WANT YOUR FAKIE, TASTELESS YELLOW JUNK.  Does he stop?  No.  Does he give up?  No.  Will this be the cause of his death someday?  Highly likely.

I have an almost religious fervor for authentic sweet corn. Even the proper way to cook it is a bone of contention at our house. Joe boils (yes, boils) his fake yellow pellets-on-a-cob while the chicken is still on the grill.  I am serious. I am not making that up.  I explained how the water should be simmering and everyone seated at the supper table before you even SHUCK the corn, but my vast experience is lost on him. It is apparently his culture; it seems to be a big problem out here because I see people at the grocery store shucking their sweet corn AT THE STORE and then putting it in their nasty produce bag to cart it up to the register.  This effectively starts the dehydration process before they even pay for the corn, insuring by the time they reach home it is suitable for feed corn (that's for animals, people) and nothing else. Let it sit in the frig for a few days before you cook it and....well, I can't even go there.

One of the last times my parents flew out here was in August, about the time of the Perseid meteor showers.  I remember when I went to Logan Airport to pick them up I saw them come off the plane with luggage and nothing else.  I shrieked, "Dad, you didn't bring sweet corn????"  He stopped, turned to my Mother and said, "You know, we drove past all those farm stands on the way to the airport (180 plus miles) and we didn't think to, did we?"    I wanted to turn around and leave them both at the airport.

I recently found the blog of a classmate who talks about living and working a farming operation in 2011.  It is unlike anything many of you would imagine.  His Platte Valley Farmer blog gave me a huge lump in my throat.  It brought back so many memories, made me terribly homesick, and positively despair over ever tasting proper sweet corn again.  I've pretty much given up on consistent sweet corn it out here - every store in town calls it "local corn" WEEKS before anything planted locally could be ready to eat.

At least now can visit my friend's blog, watch the corn grow and learn more about how positively amazing the science of farming has evolved.  Every August I enjoy looking back on the night of the Persieds with my parents, my mom's peach pie & cobbler,  and  pretend that on that mid-August night we  perfected the evening with some authentic and buttery fresh  sweet corn.

PS - The next time Joe tries to get me to eat his impostor sweet corn I am going to buy a really expensive piece of fish, boil it, cover it with ketchup and serve it to him for supper. Maybe then he'll get my point.

Red White and WOW!

I wasn't lucky enough to go to NY and see the Infinite Variety show at the American Folk Art Museum, but I did download the free iPad app and enjoy playing around with all of the spectacular red and white quilts.  Since I also work for the New England Quilt Museum it was a natural next step for us to show some major love for the red and white quilts in our own collection.

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Just a few short weeks away is the Lowell Quilt Festival.  In addition to a city-wide celebration of quilts, IMAGES - a juried quilt show - the NEQM is going to feature a special exhibit of our own red and white beauties:  Inspired by the recent exhibit of Red and White quilts in New York City, New England Quilt Museum Acting Curator Laura Lane has put together a group of red and white quilts from the Museum’s Permanent Collection.  This group of Red and White quilts will hang at the Lowell Memorial Auditorium throughout IMAGES 2011.  The exhibit will feature the stunning  "Feathered Star with Wild Goose Chase" quilt pictured on the dust jacket of America's Quilts and Coverlets by Carleton Safford and Robert Bishop.

IT GETS BETTER.  We decided to feature this quilt on a woven, Jacquard blanket made by ChappyWrap of Martha's Vineyard.  Our exclusive design features the Feathered Star quilt from our collection, woven in Germany, and beautifully done with a red & white (cream) design that reverses on the back side. They just arrived in the shop and they are GORGEOUS.  They are also selling right away - a good sign we hit the target with this design.  We'd like to do one quilt from our collection every year, making it easier for all of us to have something beautifully made that supports the quilting arts, makes a wonderful gift and makes an even more wonderful treat for yourself.  Bonus - you can throw in the washer if you spill your wine on it. Okay, maybe that's just me.....

The blankets can be purchased at the Museum's gift shop and at the Lowell Quilt Festival.  These are NOT, I emphasize NOT a fleece throw.  They are thick, woven, Jacquard blankets that are beautifully made.  Our first production is limited so be sure to check them out. More info coming soon on the New England Quilt Museum website -  or you can email Quita (Shop Manager) at    shop at nequiltmuseum dot org   (Spam bot avoidance right there.)   See you at the Festival!

Whining Interrupted

I have neglected my blog - a series of days with temps in high 90's &  heat indexes of 107 can do that to a person. There are only 2 rooms in our house with an AC unit and anything outside of those rooms is uninhabitable.  Add to that my first, EPIC case of poison ivy and you have some idea of where my head has been for the past three weeks. I finally broke down yesterday and saw a nurse practitioner  who took one look at me (and my jumbo zip lock bag full of OTC lotions and sprays) and prescribed oral steroids. She said it "might" make me irritable.  (I told her my husband would not notice the change.)

While I whine and moan and complain about the heat, itching, and how everything in my laundry basket has calamine lotion stains, a blogger who I admire and love has had more on her plate than any human should have to endure. The blog is Toddler Planet , but don't let the name fool you. Toddler Planet is written by Susan Niebur, four time cancer survivor, astrophysicist, and mom of two happy little 4 & 6-year-old boys. Susan is now fighting metastatic breast cancer in her spine, hip, and ribs, still looking for that "new normal."

Any ONE of those things would be enough to deal with, but all of them?  There are no adequate words to describe her brilliance, her humor, her humanity and her uncanny ability to take her own trials and use them to benefit others. She makes science and the study of the stars spellbinding.  I am in complete awe of her - and I pray for her daily.  I think of her often, and at odd times throughout the day.  I have always believed that when we think of someone out of the blue, it is actually grace compelling us to say a prayer for that person.

As I get older, I appreciate more and more the short prayer Catholics say during the Our Father.  When you get to the "deliver us from evil" part most Christians continue right  into "for Thine is the kingdom..." but Catholics inserted a little bonus application for help:

Deliver us, Lord, from every evil, and grant us peace in our day. In your mercy keep us free from sin and protect us from all anxiety as we wait in joyful hope.....

Being protected from anxiety is something I have struggled with my entire life.  I love that little add-on, and I  frequently use it as a stand-alone prayer.  I believe in the power of prayer.  I pray that Susan is delivered from anxiety, and from all the other things she is struggling with today.  Please join me & send up your own versions of something that will wrap this woman (whom I have never met) in a loving blanket of faith, healing and comfort.

Thank you.

Loving French Knots

Long, long ago (1984) in a state far, far away (Nebraska) I spent the summer embroidering French knots on squares of plain muslin.  I liked the process, I liked hand sewing, and I liked doing it while I looked at the map of Massachusetts tacked up on my wall.  I spent the summer making knots and thinking about my new life to come,  waiting for Labor Day weekend to arrive and my big move to Boston.

The finished muslin squares were put away and forgotten about for a long time.  When Mom and Dad flew out for our wedding in 1988, Mom found the squares in my sewing room and chastised me for letting them gather dust.  I never thought about it again until 1989, when this arrived on my doorstep:

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You could have knocked me over with a feather.   This was the quilt responsible for me getting in to quilting myself - I didn't think I was capable of creating something that could wind up (with a LOT OF HELP) this substantial.  The label is one of Mom's typical gems - done in left handed calligraphy:  " Candlewicking: by Joan Ciolino, Gloucester Mass. Quilt: by her  Mother, Mary Ann Major, Lexington, Nebraska. 1989."   How absolutely wonderful is that?

We use the quilt mostly in the fall but when we put it on our bed we have to put it face down - dragging your arm across those bumps in the middle of the night is not a pleasant experience.  It still serves a useful purpose, and the other months it hangs beautifully on our bedroom quilt rack. The colors are dated,  the whole thing is tired from many uses and washings, but it's the only thing my Mom and I made together.   In short, it's exactly what a quilt should be.

Check out this new site:  We Love French Knots.  It promises to be an interesting and informative place to learn how to create beautiful heirlooms.  As the weather gets hotter here in Gloucester, I find myself needing portable hand sewing projects I can take to our family room where trusty R2D2 (the mobile AC) makes my life bearable.  Happy 4th of July - I met my husband 24 years ago today.  He REALLY makes my life bearable....

Bridal Etiquette and the Lack Thereof

It has been a while since my earlier installment of wedding and guest advice/etiquette.  I am reminded of this because as I wound my way around Gloucester's beautiful back shore this morning  I saw some of the hotels setting up those tell-tale white wedding chairs on the front lawn.  I felt sorry for all the people who had to spend the money to schelp to Gloucester only to find out that much of their holiday weekend would be spent not sitting on a beautiful beach, but  sweltering through yet another insufferably long and self-absorbed couple's wedding.

We used to do a booming business in printing formal wedding invitations at my husband's gift shop.  Now people do them on their computers.... you know, the same way you  would for a 3rd grader's birthday party.  As a 22 year veteran of marriage and about 20 years in business working with bridal invitations, I will take up my magic wand, put on my etiquette tiara and bestow some wisdom on engaged couples.

"Why do I have to have printed invitations?  Why can't I do them on my computer - people just throw them away anyway.  Besides,  an e-invite is greener and we really believe in that."

If you are sending invitations to people who are immediately throwing them in the trash you should probably not have invited them to your wedding in the first place, just sayin'.  Also - can you use that same argument about what to feed them?  After all, they are just going to poop it away the next day, so why spend the money on something delicious? Email invitations are lovely - if your guests like helping out Nigerian millionaires or need to buy prescriptions drugs in Mexico, because an emailed wedding invitation should go right in to the spam file.

We have been together for a long time and we just want money for wedding gifts.  How do we put that on the invitation, or let people know?

Send them an invoice.

My mom and my future mother-in-law don't want to wear (insert color here) for the wedding.  I have tried to tell them how important this is, but they say  they look terrible in that color and want to choose their dresses themselves. It's MY wedding and they should wear what I want them to wear, right?

No.   Google the earthquake in Japan, look at some pictures of starving children, check out the situation in Darfur. Those are real problems. These are grown women who are perfectly capable of dressing themselves and have done it for years. Shut up already.

Some of my bridesmaids need to lose some weight - and one of them has a bad dye job.  What is the best way to tell them what I need them to do to get ready for my wedding?

Tell them whatever you like, but follow it up with, "And I promise to get my tubes tied and never reproduce."  Knowing that the BS will die with you will help them grit their teeth and push through the day.

Do I have to write thank you notes?  I am very busy and my boyfriend absolutely refuses to help!

No, you do not have to write thank-you notes. Seriously.  Just return all the gifts. Problem solved!

Okay, but I want the gifts.  How about those pre-printed notes that say something lovely like, "Thank you for sharing our special day - Love  X and X " ?

Nice. Really? Nothing says "screw you" like a form letter. 

We want to have a really lovely dinner for our reception and we're a little nervous that people won't know how much to give to make sure the cost is covered. 

Okay, once again - send them an invoice.  Better yet,  contemplate the proper definition of "guest" and realize the dinner is your gift to them.  While I have your attention, whatever they choose to give you is their gift to you.  You will receive some lovely things, some not-so-lovely things.  The mark of maturity and true love is to acknowledge them with equal enthusiasm and grace.

Okay, that's enough for today.  I am fatigued by answering questions that have no place in civilized society.  Let's all work together to return to the days when weddings were a joyful occasion for everyone involved, m'kay?  Next time we'll talk about leaving your guests waiting for 3 hours while you go take your stupid pictures and show up at the reception half in the tank.