It's About Your Hair....

 

I know it's been a while but the slump continues. I've got a boatload of observations, rants and helpful advice for misguided youth but the fact of the matter is that no one really wants (or needs) to hear most of it. However, the "hair" thing is entirely different. I want to go over a few things about hair and as I'm still unemployed and getting more than a little manic about the whole thing, I'm going to indulge myself and throw down on hair.

I used to have long, thick, beautiful hair. When I would go in for a perm they would always use 2 kits because of all the H A I R. It was great. In 1987 I had ovarian cancer and my hormones shifted enough to leave me with very fine hair that was absolutely impossible to style. At this same time all the beauty shop stylists in the world had a huge secret conclave and decided to throw out all their curling irons and apparatus in favor of a round brush and a hair dryer. They could move more bodies through the chair that way, and I get that, but they also seem to really believe that every woman on the planet has hair that can be styled with merely a round brush, a hair dryer and the right "product." (Calling it "product" allows them to charge exorbitant prices.) I'm living proof it does not work. I still leave the salon looking like someone poured a bucket of water on the crown of my head - my hair is flat to my scalp. I've asked them to try different things - to no avail - and I'm running out of places to try so I'm thinking I'll just go to one of those drive-through $15 cut places because what the hell it doesn't make a difference anyway?

One of the most tremendously fabulous things about being unemployed is that I do NOT have to get up every day, wash & dry the hair, line up the products, curling irons (2 sizes) and bang out a presentable 'do. The release is intoxicating. I always knew doing the hair thing every day was a monumental pain in the ass but never realized just how big that pain (or that ass) was. Summer is the worst - it's already 90 degrees outside so who in their right mind wants to turn 10 minutes of hot, blasting air on your head? Then fire up the curling irons? Insane.

On days when I'm home I take a shower, comb my wet hair back and clip it in to place up and off my neck. It feels clean and tight to my scalp and OUT OF MY WAY and I absolutely LOVE IT. This is how most men have it, you know. They just bounce out of the shower, towel the head, give it a swipe with a comb and go. How did our gender get so blatantly ripped off? Don't' tell me a woman's hair is her crowning glory - my brain is my crowning glory thank you very much and my brain tells me this hair thing is way overrated and a monumental waste of time and money. I'm not completely without vanity - I did the complete "do" thing today because I have a board meeting tonight - but it has given me pause about how much time and money and TIME and wear and did I mention TIME and abuse we inflict on our hair and ourselves. Whassup with that? If we're not burning time styling it, we are busy removing it from legs, armpits, etc.

The proof of how deeply this is embedded in my subconscious became apparent to me in a dream last night. The Queen Mary II was in Gloucester harbor and a friend arranged for all of us to spend a week on board, just docked in port, but enjoying all the amenities of the beautiful ship. My husband Joe left the ship every morning to go to work at the store (he would do this in real life, BTW) while I had fun on the ship. The dream continued with me suddenly on land and meeting up with my friend John who was told me we were late and it was time to leave for the ship and a big black-tie gala dinner. Now, I do love me some black tie and remember thinking about how fun it sounded....and then I thought about staging the equipment to bang out the hair, etc., whether there was enough TIME to do a presentable job and I just thought, ".........nah. Too much work."

IN MY DREAM I THOUGHT THAT.

Even friends in my waking life are starting to notice my boycott. We had dinner at the yacht club the other night and I did the whole 9 yards with hair, etc. When we settled in on the patio for a drink, one of my closest buddies said, "Wow, you look fantastic! Really nice! See what happens when you make an effort?" I nearly dropped my drink. Conversation paused and I burst out laughing. Tom would never hurt a hair on a fly and I know he didn't mean it the way it sounded - but it was a gobstopper. He apologized profusely but I honestly knew what he was trying to say and wasn't offended. (FYI He's not off the hook- every time I see him I make a point of noting whether I did or didn't make an "effort" that day.)

[caption id="attachment_2729" align="alignleft" width="130"] Me, just after a haircut. Maybe a little longer hair - but basically spot on.[/caption]

Right now some stylist somewhere is reading this and saying, "Oh all you need is the right cut/product/technique." It has been 24 post-cancer years of trying and believe me, I've tried everything. (And why do stylists always think they know more about MY hair than I do? Have they spent 54 years with it?) Right now I'm sleeping in little sponge rollers to see if that works. I've spent months trying to grow it out so I have some length to play with, but it is tempting to go back to a short cut and just do the "Mo" look. It's what I end up looking like anyway. My husband knows not to comment negatively about my hair regardless of how I decided to deal with it that day. He is a smart man who knows he will live longer that way.

So think about it. Think about all the time and effort and expense. Maybe it's my advancing age (and advancing wisdom, BTW) but I'm taking a new look at the whole "hair" thing and see where it goes.