Sunday afternoon I was watching TV and cleaning up the kitchen when a Hallmark commercial came on and announced something like, "This Valentines Day, it's not about I love you - it's about I love US." Luckily I had an empty stomach and was able to suppress an urge to vomit. I have major issues with Hallmark (details on request) mostly about how they shafted the thousands of women who made them what they are.... but I digress. I get a little up in my head about Valentines Day, not so much for who we remember - but about those we overlook or forget. These are the people who really spelled it out and gave us a living example of what real love means. I would like to tell you about a couple of mine.
These four women are the McGill sisters. Three of them (including my Mom, wearing Valentine fuchsia!) are no longer with us, and we had a scare with Aunt Addie this past weekend. She is thankfully home and on the mend, but it got me to thinking. When my Mom was in her early 20's she gave birth to a baby girl who did not live for more than a couple of hours. Her older sister, my Aunt Helen, was a nurse - and she wrapped up baby Mary, put her in a small box, put on her coat and carried her down the street to the mortuary. (Aunt Helen later told me she did it because she couldn't bear the thought of anyone else but family touching that baby.) My Aunt Addie (also a nurse) stayed with Mom and Dad. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine what it would take to do any one of those things? I've always sent a Valentine to Aunt Addie - and not because she is all I have left of these four wondrous women and I just love her to pieces. I also honor her for what she represents - lessons of unconditional love and support. These four women overwhelm me with their incredible strength and resilience.Now meet John and Emma Major, my paternal grandparents. They have been gone a long time but every time I look at this picture of them it makes my eyes fill up.
They lived on a farm with no electricity for much of their lives. Grandma gave birth to five children at home in the same bed they were conceived in. Severe arthritis sent her to a wheelchair in her 50's. Grandpa was the caretaker. Tough sledding, huh. They are shown here on their 50th anniversary - and just look at how they still looked at each other. We should all be so lucky. Grandpa died first, and Grandma always said she wanted to die on a holiday because "her mother died on Easter and that was a joyful day to meet your Lord." Grandma died on Valentines Day. While at first it broke my heart, I had a wise and loving sister-in-law who observed, "What better day for her Lord to reunite her with the love of her life?"That's the kind of love I am talking about. Not just the love we have for our significant others or our children, but for the people who gave us a living example of what it takes to meet the real demands of love. We all have neighbors, acquaintances, teachers or relatives who taught us great lessons about love. I'm even tempted to send a Valentine to Mark Kelley, the stand-up, gusty, loving husband of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords. We all know it is easy to love when things are good. It is when things get tough, or ugly, or scary that real love manifests itself. I am thankful to have had such wondrous examples in my life.
Sent a note or a card or a flower or make a phone call to those who schooled you in love. Raise a glass to those gone before us. Open up that circle of who is or isn't a Valentine in your life and you will quickly realize you are surrounded by them. Make this Valentine's Day about them.
PS - At some point this week either you or someone you know will say, "I don't need a fake holiday for me to tell people I love them, or take them out to dinner, or buy them a card and say what is in my heart." Oh yeah? Go ahead and throw a bullshit flag and call their bluff. It does not need to involve a purchase or a night out, but it does need to happen.
