When making a graham cracker crust last week I instinctively reached for the phone to call my mom and ask her about baking temps. She has been gone for 9 years but she is still my go-to person. I had no idea how much information was stored in her head until we lost her. She was the central pivot in our family, keeping everyone rotating in orbits, tracking the whereabouts, births, deaths, marriages, arrivals and departures of the vast tribe that is our extended family. When that ship sailed, so did a mountain of information.
We lost another grownup this weekend - My Uncle Ed. The McGill side of my
[caption id="attachment_1616" align="alignright" width="193" caption="St. Leonards - the McGill "Mother Church" "]
[/caption]family has/had a nice tradition at funerals. We line up in semi-birth order, the cousins are together, the grandchildren of the deceased are together, the siblings, etc. We then march into church with the immediate family sitting up front, then the grandkids, cousins, etc. all in order. I have noticed that as the years pass, I have moved closer and closer to the front pew. The people in church are mostly younger than I am - and sitting behind me.
When I am in Iowa or Wisconsin with one of my sisters, we chatter endlessly on those long drives across the plains to Nebraska. When we get stumped on some bit of family history or knowledge we hit the invisible OnStar button on the dashboard and say, "OnStar, could you ask Mom (enter question here.)" Mom was our OnStar. Our "MomStar" if you will. A vast repository of wide-ranging resources, trivia, experience and wisdom.
As I lose more and more of those grown-ups from my childhood it makes me feel a little wobbly about who is in charge - who are the grownups now? Me - an OnStar? It is not an option. We are destined to step up, take the place of our elders and pass along those same things. We are the role models, supporters, informers, and safe-harbors of their life's journey.
We are the grownups now. We have the view from the front pew.
very profound thoughts, that I find more relevant as the years pass, as well.
ReplyDeleteI have been feeling all of these same things this month. Having lost 2 siblings and my twin brother now knocking at death's door.... there seem to be so few who share my history. Those that share not just events, but my jeans and my genes. I have stepped up. But it seems odd, doesn't it? The view from here takes some getting used to.
ReplyDeleteGayle
SO sad to hear all of that, I can't begin to comprehend the loss of siblings. Many prayers and thoughts to you and yours.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that we'll ever "get used" to the view from here, we just push on and lean on love.
We call it becoming "the old ones." We have almost arrived. Scary proposition but that's the way life keeps moving forward and perhaps we should revel in it.
ReplyDelete