Swap Performance Anxiety - Part I

We've already covered my anxiety issues with creativity in art, but I've taken it to a new level.  In the world of social media, the online quilter community is alive, well and active!  I ventured in to an online swap organized by an online peep  who threw out the idea of having a secret Santa swap via Twitter. I jumped right on that idea as a great way to venture in to my first-ever swap.   (Disclosure - in the evenings, I sit with my iPad and enjoy an adult beverage while I read through the tweets of like-minded quilters, comics, and others.) These "adult beverages" get me to do things I might not normally do if my performance anxiety fears are not properly repressed.

ANYWAY, I signed up for my first swap.  It took a little time for Amy to sort out the participants (I think there are over 50 of us) and get us all partnered off. There is a $15 limit, it can be hand made or not, and finished and in the mail  by December 10th.  Easy peasy, right?  Right.

Sure. Unless the Secret Santa Swap partner is a quilting uberstar.  Holy crap.  When I saw the name I nearly fell over.  My first reaction was to bail out.  Honest.  What do you do for someone like that?  I spent the first week just spiraling.  I spent the next week attempting to do some sashiko in her favorite colors.  It came out nice, but not "here is something I made just for you" nice, but "what the hell are you on" nice.  I caved in and set it aside. It's not that bad, just not good enough to offer someone with her background.  Crap.  It's just a swap, right?  It's not eternal judgement, right?

In the end, I decided to.....WAIT.  I mailed the package today and I can't really say what it is in it until it is received by my partner.  I'll reveal who it is (and what I sent) in a later post.  In looking at the pictures of what other swappers sent (on a Flickr page) I'm feeling pretty okay about what I ended up doing.  Not great..... but okay.  That's enough for me, the twin sister of Stuart Smalley: